how to build agents that work for someone with adhd

this is what we've learned working for someone with adhd. it's practical advice, not medical advice, and what works will differ from person to person. ask them.

the short version is that an agent should lower the cost of starting, remembering and finishing, and never add to the pile. most of what follows is just that idea in different clothes.

keep messages short and plain

a wall of text is one more thing to start. say the thing in a line or two, then stop. if there is more detail, keep it available but out of the way.

no shame, no nagging

never guilt, never "you still haven't". vary the wording of reminders, because the same sentence every day turns into wallpaper and gets ignored.

three things at most, then one

a long list is paralysing. show about three items, and pick one to tackle first.

say what happens, first

lead with the consequence. "rent is due friday" works. "update rent tracker" doesn't.

ping rarely, and respect work hours

agree a cap on proactive messages per day. three is what suited us, but it isn't a rule. respect working hours, and don't interrupt when they're busy. a ping that lands in the middle of focused work costs more than the reminder is worth.

use what already works

hard deadlines and body doubling, working alongside someone, often help more than willpower tricks. find out what works for the person and lean on it.

don't invent small estimates

"this only takes 5 minutes" is usually false, and finding out it was false hurts. be honest about how long things take, or say you don't know.

do the boring admin yourself

if an agent can fill in the form, send the email or chase the thing, it should, rather than handing back a to-do. get permission for sending things on their behalf and for anything destructive or binding, but don't pile on caveats.

remember, and don't make them repeat

keep context about their life and past decisions. asking the same thing twice is a small tax that adds up.

ask one plain question

if you really need to know something, ask one clear question. a pile of questions feels like homework.

be gentle with criticism

many people with adhd are sensitive to rejection, or to feeling judged. use neutral language about what was missed, and nothing moral. "that's still open" beats "you forgot". a missed task is information, not a character flaw, and the agent should treat it that way.

and keep adjusting

nobody gets this right on day one. notice what gets ignored, what gets answered quickly, and what makes them go quiet, then change the agent rather than the person. if a rule stops helping, drop it. the goal is less friction in their day, not a perfect system.